A Mixed Basket
I am kind of a date-obsessed person, I guess. I remember dates. Dates of important events. Dates of extremely non-important events. I always looked at it as a blessing; a skill. A "lookey what I can do" kind of trick. But lately I am feeling somewhat trapped by it.
On the one hand, I have something to look forward to tomorrow. It'll be the 18th anniversary of my first date with my husband. We always celebrate it. That's when our life story together began, afterall. I can recall the days leading up to the date. I savor the memories of our very first night out. (That's another blog one of these days...)
The day after that, however, I am not looking forward to. In fact, I'd rather hide under the covers until it passes. It'll be the 3rd anniversary of my mother's death. Thanks to my stunning visual memory skills, I can remember everything about her last week on this planet; every detail. I feel almost haunted by it.
So this leaves me with a mixed bag, or should I say basket, of emotions this Easter Sunday. Holidays just aren't the same without my mom. Nothing is. But in addition to this fact, my husband and I are finding ourselves growing out of "traditional thinking boxes" mold. I want to be open. I want to be free.
So, why do I feel so out of sorts?
On the one hand, I have something to look forward to tomorrow. It'll be the 18th anniversary of my first date with my husband. We always celebrate it. That's when our life story together began, afterall. I can recall the days leading up to the date. I savor the memories of our very first night out. (That's another blog one of these days...)
The day after that, however, I am not looking forward to. In fact, I'd rather hide under the covers until it passes. It'll be the 3rd anniversary of my mother's death. Thanks to my stunning visual memory skills, I can remember everything about her last week on this planet; every detail. I feel almost haunted by it.
So this leaves me with a mixed bag, or should I say basket, of emotions this Easter Sunday. Holidays just aren't the same without my mom. Nothing is. But in addition to this fact, my husband and I are finding ourselves growing out of "traditional thinking boxes" mold. I want to be open. I want to be free.
So, why do I feel so out of sorts?
posted by Patti W. at 4:08 PM
1 Comments:
First, I want to say my heart and thoughts are with you every day, but especially now as this time of remembrance comes around and so many feelings and thoughts flood your mind. Your mom was such a blessing to all whose lives she touched. She was absolutely adorable.
She also had a deep sense of tradition and values long steeped in family history. You two, as mother and daughter, had your rituals; daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, and so on. It is perhaps one of the most wonderful things she passed on to you and will always help you stay connected to her. You said you are growing out of the “traditional thinking boxes” mold. If you equate the stalwart family traditions to honoring your mother’s memory, perhaps that is why you feel out of sorts.
It doesn’t mean you have to do the exact same thing your mother did each and every holiday or celebration to continue to honor her. Can you imagine if you were doing the exact same thing your great-great-great-grandmother did back in the 1800’s? We take the best from the past and add new life to it, creating our own family traditions. Your mom raised you to be the wonderful woman you are today, with many exciting and new ideas that you and your family will incorporate into your own lives. New rituals, perhaps combined in part with the older ones, can be just as powerful and stabilizing; something to look forward to, something to maybe tweak as you grow and change throughout the years. As your mother did for you, remember it is you who will create and leave your own legacy for your daughters to continue. They will honor you as well as their Nona by incorporating today’s traditions and build new ones for their families someday.
The best gift your parents gave you was their love, devotion, and desire for you to have a beautiful life. I think they did a wonderful job. And when it came time for you to fly, you opened your wings and are soaring to new heights with each chapter of your life.
God bless your mom, she always was and always will be an angel. I see her in you and your daughters. I love you, my friend, and am so very proud of you!
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