Enslavement--- part 1

I don't know exactly when it became an addiction. Believe me; I've tried to rack my brain with remembering the point at which my enthusiasm became compulsion, but had no success. At some point in the past six months, I crossed an invisible line. All I know for certain is that my every waking moment is filled with this craving.

As soon as my eyes find the morning light, I look forward to going downstairs to make my tea; not for the allure of the tea itself, but rather, what awaits me as I give in to this growing dependency. I know it's a pattern of learned behavior, but it gets my day started just right.

While I am away from home, I experience saddness. The memory of my passing fancy floods my mind. "How much longer do I have to wait? It's just not fair!" At times, the withdrawl is unbearable. Concentrate. Focus. Be strong. "You are more than this," I remind myself. The days can be so long.

In the afternoons, as I make the drive from school to home, I find my thoughts wandering. The attraction increases and I find myself pushing the gas pedal a little harder. I can hardly wait until I can satistfy my habit. The infatuation only intensifies when I walk in the front door. I barely kiss my husband hello before heading off to feed my secret desire.

I have been caught (on more than one occasion), sneaking a late night fix. Oh the pure joy! But I shouldn't be guilt-ridden, should I? It's not that bad. Still, I find myself needing just one more...then, another...oh, it can't hurt; just one more small one. This is the spell I am under.

Are there any cures to ease this constant jonesing I have??? Is it something I should embrace or shun? Can you guess what I am bent on?

To be continued.....